I haven’t written a blog post in years…
I think it’s been almost four whole years of silence.
And a lot has happened in those years.
For starters, I am married now… Married to a pastor.
We share our happy home with our daughter, who is now a toddler.
I recently read through my old blog posts and I can vividly recall a time not so long ago, when this was my deepest desire in life; and lately it’s been so easy to forget that.
So I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on my journey to wifehood.
I remember that I was about seventeen years old when I heard the story of how my pastor met his wife. To cut a long story short, he wrote down a list of requirements and prayed over it. Not too long after that, he saw her singing in a choir and he knew she was the one. They’ve been married now for almost three decades with five kids and are well on their way to happily ever after.
I rushed back home after church that day , wrote a list of my own and prayed over it. A day or two later, I went back and subtracted a few points from the list that seemed trivial. A few days after that, I had a new point that was definitely list-worthy. I edited and re-edited that list repeatedly as I prayed about the subject of marriage more, as I read up on it and listened to more teaching. The more I was edified, the more the list would be edited.
Over the years, I began to care a little less about the texture or style of his hair and more about him having the capacity to be the spiritual head of a home.
I thought less about a man who could chase riches and prayed for a man who was walking in divine purpose.
Not a man with a famous name, but a man whose legacy can impact a generation.
I no longer cared about the color of his eyes, but I was concerned about his vision and his ability to look at things with a big picture perspective.
I took stock of my life and all that God had brought me through, and I stopped desiring the perfect guy, but longed for one with a testimony. He needed to go through the fiery furnace and the raging storms of life and still come out with his faith intact.
In retrospect, that list saved me from a lot of heartache and pain, because it forced me to contemplate my motives, my needs, which qualities in both partners make a marriage work and which are really add-ons. It forced me to seek God’s heart on the matter and I took stock of who I am and how I would contribute to another human being’s life.
Three years later, I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted out of life, what I needed in a partner and what I could never put up with.When you become well-acquainted with these things, it’s almost miraculous how your eyes become trained to spot these qualities the moment the right person walks into your life.
My husband and I hardly even got a chance to date… We went on three dates and he proposed. I didn’t even wrestle with my response because there was a witness in my spirit that day that I still have today. He doesn’t tick every box on a long list of preferences, but he does tick all the right ones in his ability to seek the will of God for our lives, his ability to see reason, to sacrifice, to forgive, to humble himself and apologize, to remain consistent and focused on the things that matter, and to love selflessly…
These are the things I could not live without and I thank God I was able to value myself and what God has put in me enough to prioritize these things.
What about you?
What are the things that you could not live without?